Tag Archives: love

Today, Tomorrow, and Forever

I think everything we can agree on is the feeling of heartbreak. It’s a universal pain that no one ever wants to bear, especially when we think about the person we love. However, when you are standing there in front of that person, or on the phone, or where ever you are and they say those words it’s like magic. A switch flips inside of you and your once happy life turns upside down.

You know it’s over. It’s like you took every kiss, every touch, every minute spent together for granted. You never thought about it being over because you never saw it being over (even when you did). There were plenty of times during my relationships where I “Saw” the relationship ending before it was over, but never believed it would happen.

Then you start to think that you took it all for granted. The last time you kissed is now the last time you’ll ever kiss them again. How was it? Was it a quick peck on the lips or something more? The last time you hugged did you really hold them or instantly let go? These are all thoughts that rush through someone’s head when they’re the ones with a broken heart.

I decided I wouldn’t do the same thing I always do. I’m not saying that I didn’t think about the relationship, the good times, the bad times, or that I missed it or that person. But I also didn’t allow myself to die on the inside. Even though he made me happy, my relationship wasn’t satisfying. It wasn’t what I expected my relationship to be, and when it was over, I realized that was one of the best decisions that we could have ever made.

The relationship made me disappointed, confused, full of questions that would never be satisfied with the answers I’d receive. I gave everything to be there and in the end it was me with the broken heart. But just like you can choose to love, you can choose whether the pain hurts you are not. I’m not talking about going numb and blocking it from your mind. That only creates a wall that’ll smash first chance it gets. It’ll keep others from being able to love you and from you being able to love others.

What I’m talking about is letting it hurt. Giving yourself a moment to be alone and do whatever it is that needs to be done. The world continues to turn no matter how much you don’t want it to. So if you need to write, cry, listen to music about how much life sucks, or something else. Do it. Block their number if you need to and don’t ever speak to them again. And then when your time is up, move on. Get up, go to work, go out with friends, and learn how to be yourself again.

You never realize how much you change yourself when you are with someone, especially if the relationship lasts a long time. A lot of people don’t take the time to learn who they’ve become before they jump into the next one. I once heard one of my coworkers say, “Each relationship is like a book. If you go back and read it, you already know what’s going to happen.”

Well I agree with that except I view them as chapters. When you read a book and you get to the next chapter your brain probably just exploded with that crazy plot twist. Most people have to get to the next chapter to find out what happens when they really should take a break and contemplate how everything has changed at that point. When you keep continuing reading your chapters, you get to the end and suffer the worst book hangover ever!

So this is what this week’s poem is about. I apologize for being a day late. This was a very long and crazy weekend without much time to slow down and focus on my writing. I also wasn’t sure what to post about. Sometimes we just need to slow down in a world that constantly tells us to go, go, go!

Whether your heart’s broken now or it will be in the future (Potentially), remember to give yourself a certain amount of time to feel it. And honestly, enjoy it. I know that sounds weird but it’s the truth. This is a part of life and a part of becoming who you’re supposed to be. No matter how much it hurts, find the good parts and revel in them. Don’t be upset because it’s over, be happy because it happened. Even when it’s a terrible relationship. It happened and it happened to you. It’s going to make you a fantastic person.

Then, when your time is up, wake up from your dream. One day you’ll realize it doesn’t hurt anymore. In season two of The Walking Dead, Andrea tells Beth, “The pain doesn’t go away. You just make room for it.”

Today, Tomorrow, and Forever

I’ll give myself today.
Today is my day to cry, to anger, to stew.
Today is my day to write about the heartbreak
I suffered, throw anything I can, and plot my
Revenge.

But tomorrow is new, a fresh start.
Tomorrow I’ll wake up and no more tears
Will fall from these eyes.
No anger will radiate from me
And that revenge I plotted will be forgotten.
I will not destroy everything I touch.
I will not self-destruct like everyone expects.

Yesterday, you were my everything.
Today, you’re not my happily ever after.
Tomorrow, you’ll be another name to add to my
List of once upon a times.

Picture via Google Play.

In Memory of Belle

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Yesterday was a very sad day as we said goodbye to a very important member of the family. My Corgi-Doberman mix, Belle, was my best and most loyal friend. She was also the love of my life. I named her Belle, not after the Disney princess, but after the French word meaning “Beautiful.” The first time I saw her I thought she was the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen.

When my dad brought her home she was small, skinny, and dirty. The other dogs that she was with her mean to her and didn’t let her have any food. As soon as he put her on the floor she jumped in my lap and bathed me in kisses. There was one day where I put her on the couch with me and we cuddled for two hours, watching Doctor Who. After that, she decided that she was mine and I was hers. Belle never left my side.

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I’d had close connections with animals before, but nothing like I’d had with her. She was there for so much. When my grandfather died, she comforted me. Whenever I’ve been stressed or heartbroken, she made me feel better. The night I came home completely broken she met me at the door and gave me the best hug. We laid in my bed, her on one side of the body pillow and me on the other. I told her about all the terrible things my ex-boyfriend did to me and she just lay her paw on my hand and reassured me with her eyes that everything would be okay.

We did everything together including walks in the rain, listening to music, and watching TV. She loved Doctor Who and The Walking Dead the most. The Nightmare Before Christmas was definitely a movie that she loved. She would bark when Jack Skellington sang. She never argued with me when it was bath time and her favorite part was the towel drying. Belle didn’t bite, snap, or hate anyone. In fact, she loved everybody and just wanted them to love her.

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But yesterday she lost the battle with heartworms. She’d gotten them about six months ago and it was her death sentence. She got very sick and no matter what we did for her she just got worse. Belle had a heart murmur we didn’t know about and so the heartworms were affecting her differently. Her body wasn’t able to fight them off, nor could she accept the treatments. We didn’t know this until after her first treatment a couple of weeks ago. She lost about ten pounds, putting her at half her weight and couldn’t keep any food or water down.

The heartworms worsened, damaging her lungs, liver, and various other organs. She was facing organ failure and could potentially go into cardiac arrest. Belle stayed in the hospital for a couple of days receiving treatments for her heart and stomach, but we eventually had to realize that it wasn’t enough. If she didn’t die of the heartworms, it would be something else.

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I never thought I’d have to make a decision like the one I made yesterday. However, when I looked in her eyes and saw how tired she was I knew that she wouldn’t make it. So she has gone to be with Jesus and I know I’ll see her again one day.

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Old Fashioned

When my sister and I were little, we played a role-playing game called “Old Fashioned” where we pretended to be children growing up in the Victorian Era. I always found it fun to fake accents (which I’m still very bad at) and spend time with my older sister. When she found this movie called, “Old Fashioned,” I thought that it would be like the game we used to play, but instead it was very different.

There are very few love movies that I will still watch: Fireproof, War Room, and now Old Fashioned. I loved how they took Clay (Rik Swartzwelder), a former frat boy who had done and said awful things to woman, and showed how different events had led to him finding God and completely changed his life around. But he isn’t perfect and still holds grudges against himself, which is where Amber (Elizabeth Roberts) comes in. She’s a free-spirited, go where ever the wind takes me, sort of girl. Together they try to have the old-fashioned relationship that he wants and she needs.

This movie impressed me with the fact that they showed two people who both had pasts that weren’t pretty, were fearful of what the other would think of them, but then chose to look past the baggage and love each other for who they became. This is the cutest love story I’ve ever seen.