Tag Archives: heartbreak

As it all fades

Forgive me,
For I won’t be writing about you any longer.
When memories come, I won’t hold my pen
And when I see them,
No ink will stain these pages
Like they once stained my pillows.
The darkness won’t follow me
Like it did when the emptiness settled in my heart.
It was in this moment:
Realizing how I was fine until I met you
And I’ve been fine without you.
It’s a harsh truth for you,
But a blissful reality to me.

Picture via tecmundo.com.br

Today, Tomorrow, and Forever

I think everything we can agree on is the feeling of heartbreak. It’s a universal pain that no one ever wants to bear, especially when we think about the person we love. However, when you are standing there in front of that person, or on the phone, or where ever you are and they say those words it’s like magic. A switch flips inside of you and your once happy life turns upside down.

You know it’s over. It’s like you took every kiss, every touch, every minute spent together for granted. You never thought about it being over because you never saw it being over (even when you did). There were plenty of times during my relationships where I “Saw” the relationship ending before it was over, but never believed it would happen.

Then you start to think that you took it all for granted. The last time you kissed is now the last time you’ll ever kiss them again. How was it? Was it a quick peck on the lips or something more? The last time you hugged did you really hold them or instantly let go? These are all thoughts that rush through someone’s head when they’re the ones with a broken heart.

I decided I wouldn’t do the same thing I always do. I’m not saying that I didn’t think about the relationship, the good times, the bad times, or that I missed it or that person. But I also didn’t allow myself to die on the inside. Even though he made me happy, my relationship wasn’t satisfying. It wasn’t what I expected my relationship to be, and when it was over, I realized that was one of the best decisions that we could have ever made.

The relationship made me disappointed, confused, full of questions that would never be satisfied with the answers I’d receive. I gave everything to be there and in the end it was me with the broken heart. But just like you can choose to love, you can choose whether the pain hurts you are not. I’m not talking about going numb and blocking it from your mind. That only creates a wall that’ll smash first chance it gets. It’ll keep others from being able to love you and from you being able to love others.

What I’m talking about is letting it hurt. Giving yourself a moment to be alone and do whatever it is that needs to be done. The world continues to turn no matter how much you don’t want it to. So if you need to write, cry, listen to music about how much life sucks, or something else. Do it. Block their number if you need to and don’t ever speak to them again. And then when your time is up, move on. Get up, go to work, go out with friends, and learn how to be yourself again.

You never realize how much you change yourself when you are with someone, especially if the relationship lasts a long time. A lot of people don’t take the time to learn who they’ve become before they jump into the next one. I once heard one of my coworkers say, “Each relationship is like a book. If you go back and read it, you already know what’s going to happen.”

Well I agree with that except I view them as chapters. When you read a book and you get to the next chapter your brain probably just exploded with that crazy plot twist. Most people have to get to the next chapter to find out what happens when they really should take a break and contemplate how everything has changed at that point. When you keep continuing reading your chapters, you get to the end and suffer the worst book hangover ever!

So this is what this week’s poem is about. I apologize for being a day late. This was a very long and crazy weekend without much time to slow down and focus on my writing. I also wasn’t sure what to post about. Sometimes we just need to slow down in a world that constantly tells us to go, go, go!

Whether your heart’s broken now or it will be in the future (Potentially), remember to give yourself a certain amount of time to feel it. And honestly, enjoy it. I know that sounds weird but it’s the truth. This is a part of life and a part of becoming who you’re supposed to be. No matter how much it hurts, find the good parts and revel in them. Don’t be upset because it’s over, be happy because it happened. Even when it’s a terrible relationship. It happened and it happened to you. It’s going to make you a fantastic person.

Then, when your time is up, wake up from your dream. One day you’ll realize it doesn’t hurt anymore. In season two of The Walking Dead, Andrea tells Beth, “The pain doesn’t go away. You just make room for it.”

Today, Tomorrow, and Forever

I’ll give myself today.
Today is my day to cry, to anger, to stew.
Today is my day to write about the heartbreak
I suffered, throw anything I can, and plot my
Revenge.

But tomorrow is new, a fresh start.
Tomorrow I’ll wake up and no more tears
Will fall from these eyes.
No anger will radiate from me
And that revenge I plotted will be forgotten.
I will not destroy everything I touch.
I will not self-destruct like everyone expects.

Yesterday, you were my everything.
Today, you’re not my happily ever after.
Tomorrow, you’ll be another name to add to my
List of once upon a times.

Picture via Google Play.

Heartbreak and Healing

In Taylor Swift’s “Red” album, she speaks about all the different forms of love and how they seem different colors in our lives. But mostly, how love is just one big blur of red. They’re butterflies and fear, infatuation and lust among other things that we tend to feel. I’ve had the misfortune of having relationships that had every form of love imaginable. Including the kind where they became my world, and this was my downfall.

Putting them on a pedestal isn’t a bad thing. The only problem is when they don’t reciprocate the feeling. We are all human beings with lives of our own. Different thoughts, habits, faults, and gifts. Not everyone is capable of doing the same thing, so if that person is your everything and you stay their after thought, what happens then?

Your world falls apart. You start to wonder if they love you, if they miss you when you are gone, and if they even think about you. Why don’t they do the things for you that you do for them? Why, why, why? It’s a never-ending quest for something that doesn’t exist. Although, you don’t know that it doesn’t exist until later when you’re already emptied.

And when it’s over and you’re falling apart, they’re moving on with their lives. They may have loved you, but they never cared about you. If they did, you wouldn’t be feeling this way because of their actions. The moral of this story is that if someone puts themselves in a place to hurt you, use you, and lose you, then they aren’t meant to stay apart of your life.

No matter how much you love them, miss them, and think you need them. You really don’t. Take the age you are now (I’ll use me as an example). I am twenty-three. When I look back on the times of my heartbreak and it felt like I couldn’t move on, I’d remember this: I survived my entire life not knowing that person. Not needing their kiss, their touch, their voice, or their presence. And life was pretty great until they got there. If I survived that long not having them, then I will move on not having them.

You think you need them, but you don’t. Especially when they hurt you over and over. Don’t misunderstand what I’m saying. People can change. We are changing every day. But you are more than likely not going to be around for them to change. If anything, you will either be the reason they spiral and get worse or change for the better. It’s a sad truth that I’ve had to come to realize.

So this week’s poem(s) is about that. Heartbreak, infatuation, and moving on. Realizing that you are okay.

The Sun and The Earth

It feels like the world is over
Because you became the earth that circles their sun.
The problem with that is while they’re shining,
You’re swept with tornadoes and blizzards,
Hurricanes and disease.
War and hate plague you and it’s rare that you ever find peace.
And you’re burned relentlessly.
Their beautiful flames don’t seem so magnificent anymore
Now that they don’t blind you.

You Will Heal

It hurts now, but stick it out.
One day you’ll realize that you haven’t cried.
In fact, you won’t remember the last time you shed
Them a tear.
You’ll think about how you don’t miss them
Because they never gave you something to miss.
You won’t think about them
Because they were never worth one of your thoughts.

And guess what?
The world didn’t end because even when
Life stops for you,
The grass still withers.
The flowers still fade.
The sun and the moon still chase each other in the sky.
The earth still turns
Except now you are the sun.

Picture via UPI.com.