Starting Over

One of my favorite topics to discuss is relationships. Anyone who knows me knows that I have a lot of experience in that department. There are stories that I can tell you that would blow your mind, make you laugh, and make you question the hope of all humanity. In the end, however, relationships aren’t forever. They come and go just as the world turns day and night.

We all have our own special rituals that we do during a breakup. One poet that really helped me during my most recent one was Rupi Kaur. She has such a raw way of expressing herself and her thoughts. In one of her pieces, she writes down a checklist of everything you should do when you have a breakup. You can view it by CLICKING HERE.

This week’s poem was written during the hard part of my most recent breakup. After I finished reading Rupi Kaur’s Milk and Honey, I followed a bit of her checklist. It actually made me feel better than I thought it would. I don’t know what your checklist is or if you even have one. However, I’ve learned that it’s the little things we do that help the healing process begin.

Starting Over

I threw everything away,
Washed my bed sheets,
And cleaned my room.
As water ran down my body I thought about you.

All of the memories rushed back in red.
All across my mind was you.
For that moment I allowed myself to miss you.
To picture us running into each others arms
And then I stopped.

Those thoughts turned into the water.
I let them caress me one last time like you used to.
I felt you there and then they went down the drain
Where they belong.

Picture via clker.com

Beatitudes: Poor In Spirit

“Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.” – Matthew 5:3

When we think of being “poor,” good things don’t come to our minds. I always think about not having a lot and always struggling to be able to survive in this world. The hard times, having to pinch every penny, and the buyer’s remorse every time you spend anything. Even when it’s something you absolutely need like food or personal hygiene products. Being “Poor” sucks.

However, there are good things that come out of being poor. I always think back to “The Pursuit of Happiness” with Will Smith and how the man in the movie struggled. Following a business adventure that would make his family a lot of money, but ended up being one of the worst investments of his life. His wife left him and his son. He had to live in homeless shelters and even turned against a good friend of his for sixteen dollars! Then a job opportunity came that he couldn’t refuse. He worked hard and did his best to charm the bosses until they offered him the job, and it changed his life. Now the man who the movie is about now lives a really good.

I think the best life lessons come from when you start at the bottom. It keeps you grounded as your success grows and reminds you of where you came from. Many people who struggled at one point in their life end up helping a lot of people through their own charities and fundraiser events. Most of the time it’s aimed towards people who find themselves in the exact situation they were in before.

Let’s look at some more good things that come out of being poor.

1. You are thankful for what you have – You may not have a lot or be able to give everything your family wants, but you have enough. There’s a level of happiness that is found in this situation because, honestly, you don’t need a lot of stuff. Stuff is stuff. At the end of the day, what does it really do for you?

2. Relying on God – Let’s face it. There are some people who have to decide which bills they’re going to pay that month. How terrible to think about! This gives us reasons to rely on God. He promises that He’ll give for us the things we need. I’ve come to notice that even when I feel that I’m not being provided for, I am. (Matthew 6:31-32)

3. You’re Humbled – Admitting you need help isn’t a weakness. In fact, it takes a seriously large amount of strength to turn away from your pride like that. When we come before God and ask for His help, or for ANYONE’S help, there’s something that happens within us. I don’t know about you, but I’d rather admit that I need help and get it than not to and struggle. When we humble ourselves, we understand that we have no control.

So what does that have to do with our spirits? Jesus wants us to take all the good lessons that we learn through being “Poor” and apply them to our spirits. While we’re probably not poor on the outside, He wants us to act poor on the inside. Be thankful for everything that we have whether it’s a lot or a little. Trust in Him no matter if we are in a good place or a bad place. Realize that we aren’t in control of our own lives and give the control to Him.

Since the beatitudes are the opposite of what the world expects us to be, what is the opposite of being poor in spirit? If we aren’t poor in spirit then we are proud. We aren’t thankful for what God provides, we don’t rely on God for what we need, and we never accept help or admit that we need it.

“(17) For you say, I am rich, I have prospered, and I need nothing, not realizing that you are wretched, pitiable, poor, blind, and naked. (18) I counsel you to buy from me gold refined by fire, so that you may be rich, and white garments so that you may clothe yourself and the shame of your nakedness may not be seen, and salve to anoint your eyes, so that you may see. (19) Those whom I love, I reprove and discipline, so be zealous and repent.” – Revelation 3:17-19

The church of Laodicea was a lot like this. In Revelation 3:17-19, John sends a letter to tell them what Jesus wants them to know. They think they are rich and don’t need anything. You can think of their city as being like the United States. We don’t really need anything. Sure jobs, a less amount of homeless people and food stamps, etc. All those would be nice, but we have a lot more than a lot of other countries. In fact, I make more in a week than a lot of people live off in a year. Crazy, right?

These people were wealthy and comfortable. Let me put it into perspective. If you are happy at your job, with your home, your spouse, your children, and your material wealth, what do you need? Nothing, right? Wrong. No matter what situation you’re in, you always need God. All of these things that make you happy are temporary. What happens if you lose it all? Do you suddenly need God now? God doesn’t want you to only need Him when it’s convient to you. He wants you to need Him ALL THE TIME.

There are other forms of wealth than just material things. A lot of people in the church are under the impression that they are “spiritually wealthy.” Meaning that they have their salvation, wisdom and understanding, and the Holy Spirit. However, that is usually not the case. A lot of the time people lose sight of this beatitude in their hearts. We become what people call, “High and mighty.”

This is why Jesus calls us to be Poor in Spirit. If we’re supposed to live our lives for Him, that means serving Him and His people. You can’t serve and help others if you are too high and mighty. If you are so prideful in yourself and what you think your salvation is.

In 5:3, Jesus says that to be “Poor in Spirit,” is to be blessed. This goes the opposite direction of what we consider being “Blessed” is. When you hear some say they’re blessed, what comes to your mind? Usually that something grand happened to them or that they don’t have a single worry. They’re blessed because they came across a lot of money, got a new car, found a house, etc. But here Jesus says that if you are poor in your own state of mind, then you’re blessed.

What He’s really saying is that it’s better to humble yourself and be a light to others than to be prideful and be “Above” others. When you don’t humble yourself, you don’t care about others and their situations. You start to think that you can control your own life. Eventually, you leave the arms of Jesus.

So what does being Poor in spirit mean to you? Are you more prideful or humble? What in your life have caused you to humble yourself? When do you consider yourself blessed? Remember, there’s no right or wrong answers. We are all at different stages of our lives and our faith. Sometimes we continuously fall back into these stages. However, this is how God wants us to be. This is how His son was and still is to this day. The whole point of being a Christian isn’t just to love God and find salvation in His son. It’s also to follow His teachings and be like Him. Even though we could never live up to His standards.

Picture via torrahclub.ffoz.org

Beatitudes: Sermon on the Mount

“Now when Jesus saw the crowds, he went up on a mountainside and sat down. His disciples came to him, 2 and he began to teach them.” – Matthew 5:1-2

Considered one of the most famous sermons of Jesus, the Sermon on the Mount are found in Matthew 5. Even though Jesus performed miracles and taught everyone, He had special teachings that He gave His disciples. Jesus considered them His friends. They walked with Him, talked with Him, and became very personal with Him. His sermon in this chapter tells of what Jesus wants all of us to be. It’s what being “Christlike” is.

The “Beatitudes” is what we call these eight characteristics. Each one is the complete opposite of what the world expects us to be. In this section, I’ll be talking about each one in-depth. This is the list of them below.

1. Matthew 5:3 – Poor in Spirit
2. Matthew 5:4 – Mourning
3. Matthew 5:5 – Meekness
4. Matthew 5:6 – Righteousness
5. Matthew 5:7 – Mercy
6. Matthew 5:8 – Pure in Heart
7. Matthew 5:9 – Peacemaker
8. Matthew 5:10 – Persecuted

Picture via channel.nationalgeographic.com

New Cloth on an Old Coat/Wineskins

“(14) Then John’s disciples came and asked him, “How is it that we and the Pharisees fast often, but your disciples do not fast?” (15) Jesus answered, “How can the guests of the bridegroom mourn while he is with them? The time will come when the bridegroom will be taken from them; then they will fast. (16) “No one sews a patch of unshrunk cloth on an old garment, for the patch will pull away from the garment, making the tear worse. – Matthew 9:14-16

This parable of Jesus is also found in Mark 2:21 and Luke 5:36. In it He explains to His disciples why He has come to earth.

Before Jesus came to die on the cross, rules and legality regulated faith. It was all about traditions and “Who was more faithful by what they did to show their faith.” Hence, the Pharisees. In 9:14, The disciples ask Jesus why everyone else is fasting, yet His disciples aren’t. His answer references a wedding feast. While the friends of the bridegroom are with him, they aren’t sad. It’s a time of celebration and fun. No one mourns during a celebration. Jesus is telling His disciples that they’re in a time of a wedding celebration with Jesus as the bridegroom.

Then He goes on to help them understand why He is with them. He didn’t come to o away with the law or change it (Matthew 5:17). Jesus came to fulfill the law and add something new. That “New” thing is His teachings (Or the Gospels). Even though there are prophecies ating back to hundreds of years before Him, no one knew the real reason He’d come. They were all under the impression that He’d be a warrior that would lead them all into battle. They weren’t counting on Jesus being a spiritual warrior that is kind, considerate, gentle, and forgiving and telling them to love their enemy (Matthew 5:44).

Jesus goes on to give another example in the next verse. Also found in Mark 2:22 and Luke 5:37-38

“Neither do people pour new wine into old wineskins. If they do, the skins will burst; the wine will run out and the wineskins will be ruined. No, they pour new wine into new wineskins, and both are preserved.” – Matthew 9:17

In this next example, Jesus refers to His purpose on earth to the wineskins of their day. In His time, people stored wine in the skins of goats. People sewed these skins together and resembled what we would call waterskins or canteens. As new wine would age, the wineskin would expand. If someone put new wine into the wineskin, it’d bust. This is another great way of explaining why He came to us.

Jesus came to offer us forgiveness of sins and eternal life with Him. He came to teach us what living a Godly lifestyle is like and to give us hope. Before we have a life in His arms we are nothing more than an old coat or a wineskin with aging wine inside. But when we are born again into a new life, God doesn’t patch up our old coat with new habits or “Good stuff.” He doesn’t mix “Good intentions” and “Holy Will” with the sins of our past. He gives us a brand new coat and a brand new wineskin to pour all of His love into.

His message will always be new because of the acceptance that must take place in everyone that receives it. If you accept Him, there will always be something new to learn, a new way to live, and a new way to serve. Each and every day that you breathe.

Picture via deusloquitur.blogspot.com

The Upside Down Cross: What Does It Mean?

“(18) Very truly I tell you, when you were younger you dressed yourself and went where you wanted; but when you are old you will stretch out your hands, and someone else will dress you and lead you where you do not want to go.” (19) Jesus said this to show the kind of death by which Peter would glorify God. Then he said to him, “Follow me!” – John 21:18-19

We’re taught that the upside down cross is a sign of evil. Since Jesus died for our sins on the cross, wearing it upside down meant that you didn’t have the faith. It also meant that you weren’t thankful for the sacrifice made to be washed in the blood of the lamb. The people who taught me this fact were wrong.

The idea of the upside down cross comes from the legend of Peter’s death. For those who aren’t aware of who Peter is, he was one of Jesus’s disciples. Peter’s remembered for his fantastic way of speaking and for his fantastic way of saying the wrong thing at the wrong time (An example is in Matthew 16:21-23). Insert foot in mouth syndrome here. I’m sure we can all relate to him in that aspect. What you will hear about his death is that it’s an upside down crucifixion. Hence, the upside down cross.

Christian tradition tells us that he chose to be crucified upside down. The reason is that he didn’t feel worthy of dying the same way his savior had since he’d denied Jesus three times (Matthew 26:33-35). This is a very poetic way of dying as a martyr and from it I’ve found a lot of respect for Peter.

The problem is that scripture doesn’t tell us when, where, or how he died. Roman records tell of his death, as well as many letters and other writings of that time. However, I haven’t read these writings yet.

In this scripture (John 21:18-19), Jesus states that Peter dies with outstretched arms. It’s interpreted that he’d be crucified. He also says that someone else will dress him and lead him to a place he doesn’t want to go. This could have meant that the executors would tie him up and take him to his death. None of us want to die (even when dying for our faith).

According to The Story of the Twelve Apostles (A History Channel documentary), Peter’s told of his death once more by Jesus. The church warns Peter that he might be executed so he begins to leave Rome. As he’s leaving, Jesus tells Peter that He’s (Jesus) headed into Rome because He’ll be crucified again. People interpreted this as Peter being told of his own death. If we look back to John 21:18-19, Jesus reveals to Peter that he will die a martyr. If Peter’s time was coming and he was leaving Rome, it only makes sense that Jesus would come to Peter and tell him to turn back.

No matter what happened, Peter’s crucifixion happened upon his return to Rome. The documentary says that this is found in the writing, The Acts of Peter. You can find more information on that by clicking HERE.

Regardless of whether Peter’s death was an upside down crucifixion, the point of this symbol is still the same. There are people in this world who are not believers and sport the upside down cross as a way of denying God. Bands and singers put them in their music videos. Other famous people wear them around. It’s a way of showing how far from God they are, or to defile God in some way that suits their needs to be defiant. They’re misinformed of its meaning.

It means that you are not worthy of God. That you are below Him and His holiness. His mercy, forgiveness, and love. It doesn’t mean you are siding with evil. It means that you are just not worthy. It’s as simple as that. However, if you’ve been saved and follow Jesus I wouldn’t wear them around. While we aren’t on His level, He’s washed us in His blood.

Picture via Symmetal.com

Was The Flood The First Rain?

I don’t know about you but I can’t imagine an earth where it doesn’t rain. Rain isn’t just beautiful (and sometimes destructive) its beneficial to this planet. It provides water, helps plants grow, and purifies the air. But according to the word of God, when did it start exactly? Let’s take a look at what scripture says.

“(5) Now no shrub had yet appeared on the earth and no plant had yet sprung up, for the Lord God had not sent rain on the earth and there was no one to work the ground, (6) but streams came up from the earth and watered the surface of the ground.” – Genesis 2:5-6

We know from this scripture that plant life needs two things to survive: Rain and someone to care for it. Because God hadn’t sent rain down and didn’t have anyone to tend to it, there wasn’t any plant life. God finished creating everything after the seventh day. Beautiful plants and trees decorated Eden.

Let’s talk about the garden for a moment. This was a beautiful and magical place full of peace and serenity. It’s where the very first life began and where it spiritually ended. We can assume that the mist watered the crops in Eden. Especially since Adam is there to tend to the plants. If we do think that the mist continued to water the plants, then we need to question when it stopped.

“(17)To Adam he said, “Because you listened to your wife and ate fruit from the tree about which I commanded you, ‘You must not eat from it,’ “Cursed is the ground because of you; through painful toil you will eat food from it all the days of your life. (18) It will produce thorns and thistles for you, and you will eat the plants of the field. (19) By the sweat of your brow you will eat your food until you return to the ground, since from it you were taken; for dust you are and to dust you will return.” – Genesis 3:17-19

Man would fight with the earth to produce the food we need to live. It’s safe to say that this could be when the rain began because it’d be a sign of faith. Adam would have needed to rely on God to give the water for their food to grow. Having the mist during our punishment wouldn’t make sense. It would be like God is saying, “You are on your own except for this mist that waters your plants for you.” I’m not God, but I think it would bring Him more glory if humans had to have faith that He would give.

“Seven days from now I will send rain on the earth for forty days and forty nights, and I will wipe from the face of the earth every living creature I have made.” – Genesis 7:4

One of the reasons why this is a debate is because of the Silence. Scripture never mentions rain again until Chapter six when Noah’s story begins. Among the wicked, Noah was a righteous man of God. After God tells Noah His plan to destroy the earth with a mighty flood, Noah builds the ark for a hundred and twenty years.

“(11) In the six-hundredth year of Noah’s life, on the seventeenth day of the second month—on that day all the springs of the great deep burst forth, and the floodgates of the heavens were opened. (12) And rain fell on the earth forty days and forty nights.”

There are people who think that these “Floodgates” are symbolic to the first rain. This verse is the first time that Scripture ever mentions the skies opening and it raining. So The “Floodgates of Heaven” opening could mean a huge moment in biblical history where everyone looked up in alarm and saw something they’d never seen before. However, after the flood scripture states that the floodgates closed.

“Now the springs of the deep and the floodgates of the heavens had been closed, and the rain had stopped falling from the sky.” – Genesis 8:2

If this had been the first rain where the floodgates opened, then wouldn’t that mean closing them would cause it to never rain again? I also have a theory that if this were the first rain then it would bring more glory to God. An intriguing thought is that God would wait until mankind’s destruction for it to rain.

It makes sense for scripture to mention it since the bible show’s God’s glory. Of all these evil doings there is a God who is merciful, forgiving, and never-changing. It makes sense to me that scripture would have said, “This was the first rain” or, “No one had seen rain before.”

The point is that there is no real answer. Scripture doesn’t tell us when the first rain occurred. All it says is there was a mist during creation and then it rained six chapters later. God could have made it this way so that we know there was a way of watering the earth before the flood because rain didn’t occur yet. He also might think that He doesn’t need to spell it out for us. My idea is that it isn’t important. Whether it occurred during creation, in Eden, before or after the flood, it doesn’t matter.

God created it. Who cares when it happened?

Picture Via Charlesfake.com

Happiness Vs. Joy In The Lord

“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness…” – Galatians 5:22

Have you ever been through a struggle? How did you feel during the hard times? Were you happy? Probably not. In the past four years since being saved, I’ve had a lot of what you would call, “Hard times.” From struggles in relationships, family, work, writing, and my life in general.

During these times I wasn’t happy at all and that made me question God. If I’m a Christian and gave myself to the Lord, why am I not happy? Why doesn’t anything work in my favor? I’m consistently living for God, going to church, bible studies, and helping others in need. I’m kind, considerate of others, and I hold my tongue when I would rather rain my wrath down on those who upset me.

God spoke to me one day while I was ranting all my frustrations out on Him. He told me to make a list of everything that makes me happy no matter how dumb it may seem. I’ll never forget my answer.

Shoes, animals, comfortable beds, pillows, blankets, movies, music, food, flowers, my hair, getting my nails done, kittens, money (making and spending), writing, reading, shopping, the mall, my family, my friends, laughing, jokes, my phone, Facebook, comics, scarves, clothes, beanies, hair accessories…

The point is, there was a lot of stuff that made me happy. Then God asked me the most convicting question I’d ever had. “How many of those things have to do with me?” I read over my list and almost died because I was so appalled with myself. Absolutely none of these things had to do with my faith or God or serving Him at all!

But God wasn’t mad at me because when I had only been saved for about two years. Spiritually talking, I was a mere infant at that time. There comes a point when every Christian has to learn this lesson. Next God said to me, “If I gave you these things: shoes, clothes, pets, and money, you would be happy. But these are not things that you NEED. They are what you WANT.”

“Then he said to them, “Watch out! Be on your guard against all kinds of greed; life does not consist in an abundance of possessions.” – Luke 12:15

See, even when we try not to we look at God as if He is our Santa Claus. This concept is more than just thinking He’s a big guy in a red suit that gives us stuff. It’s believing that His sole purpose is to make us happy and that if we aren’t happy, then He is wrong. God isn’t here to make us “Happy.” Really, that idea limits God. God is eternal and His power is infinite where happiness is only temporary.

“And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus.” – Philippians 4:19

Money makes you happy until it runs out. Your boyfriend makes you happy until he does something wrong to you. Your pet makes you happy until they make a mess. Shopping makes you happy until what you bought isn’t new anymore. See the pattern?

The things that God does for you are far more valuable than what you do for yourself. God provides every need we have. He promises to clothe and feed us and always take care of us. Matthew 6:19-21 says, “Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on the Earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal, but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroy and where thieves o not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.”

This doesn’t mean that God doesn’t want us to be happy and have these things. It also doesn’t mean that He won’t give the means of getting them. During this past Christmas, I had a so-called. “Best Friend” steal a lot of money from me. It ruined my chances of buying anyone Christmas presents and I was heartbroken. However, at the last-minute, I prayed to God to make enough money to buy my nieces and nephew something for Christmas.

What I wanted to get them all came to the cost of $55. So I asked to make at least $60 to cover the tax. That day I made $77. This was more than enough, or so I thought. When I got to Wal-Mart, I couldn’t find what I had wanted to get them. By the time I checked out my total was just under $77. I always love using this example because it shows how God cares and does want us to be happy.

The problem is when we get lost in it. Worldly things bring happiness. Material possessions and other people are just two examples. It becomes a problem when those things that make us happy become idols. The new guy in your life becomes more important than God, money becomes more important than God, reading a book more than your bible, etc.

Even though God wants to give us opportunities to be happy, but what He really wants is for us to be joyful. People like to put joy and happiness in the same definition, but they are two different things. There isn’t happiness in times of hardship, but you can stay joyful because of God. Being joyful allows you to get through the hardship easier because you know God will take care of you.

“With joy you will draw water from the wells of salvation.” – Isaiah 12:3

Joy is something that only God can give you. Your boyfriend can’t make you joyful and your material possessions can’t make you joyful. Food, money, and sex can’t make you joyful. All of these things are temporary, but because God is forever so is your joy.

“(10) That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. (11) I have made a fool of myself, but you drove me to it. I ought to have been commended by you, for I am not in the least inferior to the “super-apostles,”[a] even though I am nothing.” – 2 Corinthians 12:10-11

So I urge you to do what God had me do. Get some paper and a pen. Write down everything that makes you happy no matter what it is. Don’t worry, some of these things may have something to do with God’s purpose for you such as helping others or going to church. When you’re done, read it and check everything that applies to God. How many things on the list are Godly?

“(7) Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. (8) Whoever sows to please their flesh, from the flesh will reap destruction; whoever sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life.” – Galatians 6:7-8

Picture Via Nashville Christian Family Magazine

Heartbreak and Healing

In Taylor Swift’s “Red” album, she speaks about all the different forms of love and how they seem different colors in our lives. But mostly, how love is just one big blur of red. They’re butterflies and fear, infatuation and lust among other things that we tend to feel. I’ve had the misfortune of having relationships that had every form of love imaginable. Including the kind where they became my world, and this was my downfall.

Putting them on a pedestal isn’t a bad thing. The only problem is when they don’t reciprocate the feeling. We are all human beings with lives of our own. Different thoughts, habits, faults, and gifts. Not everyone is capable of doing the same thing, so if that person is your everything and you stay their after thought, what happens then?

Your world falls apart. You start to wonder if they love you, if they miss you when you are gone, and if they even think about you. Why don’t they do the things for you that you do for them? Why, why, why? It’s a never-ending quest for something that doesn’t exist. Although, you don’t know that it doesn’t exist until later when you’re already emptied.

And when it’s over and you’re falling apart, they’re moving on with their lives. They may have loved you, but they never cared about you. If they did, you wouldn’t be feeling this way because of their actions. The moral of this story is that if someone puts themselves in a place to hurt you, use you, and lose you, then they aren’t meant to stay apart of your life.

No matter how much you love them, miss them, and think you need them. You really don’t. Take the age you are now (I’ll use me as an example). I am twenty-three. When I look back on the times of my heartbreak and it felt like I couldn’t move on, I’d remember this: I survived my entire life not knowing that person. Not needing their kiss, their touch, their voice, or their presence. And life was pretty great until they got there. If I survived that long not having them, then I will move on not having them.

You think you need them, but you don’t. Especially when they hurt you over and over. Don’t misunderstand what I’m saying. People can change. We are changing every day. But you are more than likely not going to be around for them to change. If anything, you will either be the reason they spiral and get worse or change for the better. It’s a sad truth that I’ve had to come to realize.

So this week’s poem(s) is about that. Heartbreak, infatuation, and moving on. Realizing that you are okay.

The Sun and The Earth

It feels like the world is over
Because you became the earth that circles their sun.
The problem with that is while they’re shining,
You’re swept with tornadoes and blizzards,
Hurricanes and disease.
War and hate plague you and it’s rare that you ever find peace.
And you’re burned relentlessly.
Their beautiful flames don’t seem so magnificent anymore
Now that they don’t blind you.

You Will Heal

It hurts now, but stick it out.
One day you’ll realize that you haven’t cried.
In fact, you won’t remember the last time you shed
Them a tear.
You’ll think about how you don’t miss them
Because they never gave you something to miss.
You won’t think about them
Because they were never worth one of your thoughts.

And guess what?
The world didn’t end because even when
Life stops for you,
The grass still withers.
The flowers still fade.
The sun and the moon still chase each other in the sky.
The earth still turns
Except now you are the sun.

Picture via UPI.com.

The Truth Behind the Words

I’ve always wondered why I’d see memes or listened to songs that seemed to fit my every need. It was as if I couldn’t find the words to express what I was feeling until I saw them. The amount of relief that came to my head during a breakup or relationship problems, even work related, was tremendously helpful. When I discovered poets like Rupi Kaur and Amanda Lovelace, it was like a whole new world opened and allowed me to describe everything I was feeling to other people, to myself, and in my writing. I only hope that I’m that person for others in their journey through life. This week’s poem is called The Truth Behind the Words.

The Truth Behind the Words

We all want words we can relate to.
But why?

Is it because they bring reassurance that we’re not alone in our situation?
Or maybe because we can’t always find the right things to say until we see them.

There’s a sort of therapeutic significance to reading something that says exactly what we’re feeling.
I know that the reason it makes me feel better is that there’s a level of honesty in those words.

That we don’t find in our hearts.
That we can’t say out loud.
But when the words hit us,
So does the truth
And that’s what sets us free
From the feeling of not being able to express ourselves.

Picture Via Imgrum.org

In Memory of Belle

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Yesterday was a very sad day as we said goodbye to a very important member of the family. My Corgi-Doberman mix, Belle, was my best and most loyal friend. She was also the love of my life. I named her Belle, not after the Disney princess, but after the French word meaning “Beautiful.” The first time I saw her I thought she was the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen.

When my dad brought her home she was small, skinny, and dirty. The other dogs that she was with her mean to her and didn’t let her have any food. As soon as he put her on the floor she jumped in my lap and bathed me in kisses. There was one day where I put her on the couch with me and we cuddled for two hours, watching Doctor Who. After that, she decided that she was mine and I was hers. Belle never left my side.

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I’d had close connections with animals before, but nothing like I’d had with her. She was there for so much. When my grandfather died, she comforted me. Whenever I’ve been stressed or heartbroken, she made me feel better. The night I came home completely broken she met me at the door and gave me the best hug. We laid in my bed, her on one side of the body pillow and me on the other. I told her about all the terrible things my ex-boyfriend did to me and she just lay her paw on my hand and reassured me with her eyes that everything would be okay.

We did everything together including walks in the rain, listening to music, and watching TV. She loved Doctor Who and The Walking Dead the most. The Nightmare Before Christmas was definitely a movie that she loved. She would bark when Jack Skellington sang. She never argued with me when it was bath time and her favorite part was the towel drying. Belle didn’t bite, snap, or hate anyone. In fact, she loved everybody and just wanted them to love her.

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But yesterday she lost the battle with heartworms. She’d gotten them about six months ago and it was her death sentence. She got very sick and no matter what we did for her she just got worse. Belle had a heart murmur we didn’t know about and so the heartworms were affecting her differently. Her body wasn’t able to fight them off, nor could she accept the treatments. We didn’t know this until after her first treatment a couple of weeks ago. She lost about ten pounds, putting her at half her weight and couldn’t keep any food or water down.

The heartworms worsened, damaging her lungs, liver, and various other organs. She was facing organ failure and could potentially go into cardiac arrest. Belle stayed in the hospital for a couple of days receiving treatments for her heart and stomach, but we eventually had to realize that it wasn’t enough. If she didn’t die of the heartworms, it would be something else.

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I never thought I’d have to make a decision like the one I made yesterday. However, when I looked in her eyes and saw how tired she was I knew that she wouldn’t make it. So she has gone to be with Jesus and I know I’ll see her again one day.

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"Success doesn't start with what others can do for you or if your talent will be discovered. It starts with you and what you'll do with your talent.