All posts by Lauren M.

Lauren is a freelance writer, blogger, Mary Kay consultant, businesswoman, and a part time waitress looking to earn success in the big world. She's been published on wow-woman.com as well as herstylecode.com. Lauren has gained experience in not only writing, but also editing through her position as a Senior Content Editor for RuneHQ, and fan based sight for Runescape.com. As of right now, she is beginning her quest of going back to school for become a behavior analyst.

Poetry Night Sundays: The Truth Behind the Words

I’ve always wondered why I’d see memes or listened to songs that seemed to fit my every need. It was as if I couldn’t find the words to express what I was feeling until I saw them. The amount of relief that came to my head during a breakup or relationship problems, even work related, was tremendously helpful. When I discovered poets like Rupi Kaur and Amanda Lovelace, it was like a whole new world opened and allowed me to describe everything I was feeling to other people, to myself, and in my writing. I only hope that I’m that person for others in their journey through life. This week’s poem is called The Truth Behind the Words.

The Truth Behind the Words

We all want words we can relate to.
But why?

Is it because they bring reassurance that we’re not alone in our situation?
Or maybe because we can’t always find the right things to say until we see them.

There’s a sort of therapeutic significance to reading something that says exactly what we’re feeling.
I know that the reason it makes me feel better is that there’s a level of honesty in those words.

That we don’t find in our hearts.
That we can’t say out loud.
But when the words hit us,
So does the truth
And that’s what sets us free
From the feeling of not being able to express ourselves.

Picture Via Imgrum.org

In Memory of Belle

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Yesterday was a very sad day as we said goodbye to a very important member of the family. My Corgi-Doberman mix, Belle, was my best and most loyal friend. She was also the love of my life. I named her Belle, not after the Disney princess, but after the French word meaning “Beautiful.” The first time I saw her I thought she was the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen.

When my dad brought her home she was small, skinny, and dirty. The other dogs that she was with her mean to her and didn’t let her have any food. As soon as he put her on the floor she jumped in my lap and bathed me in kisses. There was one day where I put her on the couch with me and we cuddled for two hours, watching Doctor Who. After that, she decided that she was mine and I was hers. Belle never left my side.

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I’d had close connections with animals before, but nothing like I’d had with her. She was there for so much. When my grandfather died, she comforted me. Whenever I’ve been stressed or heartbroken, she made me feel better. The night I came home completely broken she met me at the door and gave me the best hug. We laid in my bed, her on one side of the body pillow and me on the other. I told her about all the terrible things my ex-boyfriend did to me and she just lay her paw on my hand and reassured me with her eyes that everything would be okay.

We did everything together including walks in the rain, listening to music, and watching TV. She loved Doctor Who and The Walking Dead the most. The Nightmare Before Christmas was definitely a movie that she loved. She would bark when Jack Skellington sang. She never argued with me when it was bath time and her favorite part was the towel drying. Belle didn’t bite, snap, or hate anyone. In fact, she loved everybody and just wanted them to love her.

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But yesterday she lost the battle with heartworms. She’d gotten them about six months ago and it was her death sentence. She got very sick and no matter what we did for her she just got worse. Belle had a heart murmur we didn’t know about and so the heartworms were affecting her differently. Her body wasn’t able to fight them off, nor could she accept the treatments. We didn’t know this until after her first treatment a couple of weeks ago. She lost about ten pounds, putting her at half her weight and couldn’t keep any food or water down.

The heartworms worsened, damaging her lungs, liver, and various other organs. She was facing organ failure and could potentially go into cardiac arrest. Belle stayed in the hospital for a couple of days receiving treatments for her heart and stomach, but we eventually had to realize that it wasn’t enough. If she didn’t die of the heartworms, it would be something else.

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I never thought I’d have to make a decision like the one I made yesterday. However, when I looked in her eyes and saw how tired she was I knew that she wouldn’t make it. So she has gone to be with Jesus and I know I’ll see her again one day.

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Poetry Night Sunday: Who Are They To You?

Recently, my attention turned to this topic. Many people in my life have told me about their own suffering from the mental and emotional abuse they’ve experienced. I know what that’s like because it’s no secret of what I’ve gone through in my life. Humans just want to be loved, appreciated, and felt cared for. When someone we don’t know hurts us, it’s disappointing. However, when someone we love hurts us we can shatter.

The problem is that they don’t always know they’re hurting us, and sometimes they won’t know for a while. Mainly because we’re so scared of hurting them we won’t tell them about the hurt that we’re suffering. These people will tell us how worthless we are and how we can’t do anything right. Sometimes they use those exact words, but other times they dance around them. Other times it’s a slower type of abuse that we don’t notice at first. Eventually, it takes our minds over and before we know it, we’re something that’s broken.

For some, we self-destruct. Believing those things causes us to continue to hurt ourselves and the ones around us because that’s “All we’re good for.” People never realize they’re so much better than that. I’ve had the unfortunate circumstance of heartbreak recently. Someone I loved so deeply hurt me and I’m still in the process forgiveness and trying to get through the day without crying.

I am glad to say that I didn’t self-destruct this time. I think it’s because I had finally found something to live for and someone to care about. Even though I was hurt, I’m incapable of being mad at the person. I won’t lie, it’s frustrating because I want to be. I know I should, but I can’t.

I’m putting two poems up tonight. I wrote them in the last couple of days. It’s the lessons that I’ve learned through my experiences, faith, and prayer that have gotten me through even my darkest moments. I’m not sure how many will read all of this. Maybe some will read the first few paragraphs and get bored, or others won’t read it at all. But I hope that the one I want to read it will.

Don’t you know you’re beautiful

If you feel you are worthless
because of the words of others,
remember that those words are older than you.
They’ve been traveling for some time now.
You are not their first stop,
and you aren’t their last.

Forgiveness and Forgetting

Forgiveness is not the act of
Forgetting what they did.
It’s not for them to feel better,
Nor is it an obligation.
Forgiveness is the act of letting go
Of the pain, they caused so that
You can move on and blossom into the
Butterfly you are.

And now I want you to think of every single person who has ever hurt you. What did they say? How did it make you feel? And now ask yourself, who are they to you?

Picture Via National Geographic Kids.

Remembrance by Lauren M.

When I think about you I can’t breathe
I swear that for a moment,
just a moment,
the world freezes.
There’s nothing but me
In my red lipstick and long dress.
Then there’s you.
A Prince charming to my fairytale.
In my head, I can feel the touch of our hands
as they glide over each other’s skin.
I feel your lips on mine.
They’re on my cheek, my neck, my shoulders.
I still remember what it was like to touch your hair.
It blanketed my fingers like it was trying to keep them warm.
The memories are vague, so long ago.
It’s like trying to create a character for a book.
You’re real, but you aren’t.
I’m trying to know someone who I’ve never met.
It frightens me to try,
but scares me to forget.

Lauren M.

Image via Business Insider

The Heart Of Poetry

Poetry is a form of writing that most people don’t pay attention to. Even those who read the biggest books won’t pick up a small poem. It seems meaningless to them compared to the adventures of their novels. I’ve been that way for most of my life. Always reading and appreciating literature, but never reveling in the beauty of poetry.

“And when wind and winter harden / All the loveless land, / It will whisper of the garden, / You will understand.” – To My Wife, Oscar Wilde

I think the reason is school. Every year the English class curriculums require poetry. There are guides, big words, and a formula for creating the perfect poem. However, I’ve come to find out that poetry isn’t perfect and there isn’t this perfect formula for it. While personification, metaphors, and similes are great you don’t need them for a poem to be good.

Personally, I prefer personification. In my opinion, it’s always been easier to make an inanimate object come to life. “The smiling sun,” and, “Caressing towel,” are just two examples. Before yesterday, I hadn’t written poetry in a long time. In fact, the last time I remember writing a poem was with my sister one night. I don’t remember what I wrote about, but I used one of her prompts from her class.

“Words, words were truly alive on the tongue, in the head warm, beating, frantic, winged; music and blood but then I was young.” – “Little Red Cap” by Carol Ann Duffy

All I remember was that it needed to make me mad and uncomfortable. It was then I learned that poetry is uncomfortable. It’s not like writing a novel where you can be someone different from yourself. In poetry, you are yourself. You can’t hide behind a mask or pretend that it isn’t how you really feel. It is pure, raw emotion and intimacy. It’s passion and everything about your life that you love and hate.

Before that night, I hadn’t written since I was with one of my ex-boyfriends. I’d thought that I’d lost my ability to write poetry because he’d left me so empty. I also thought that I wasn’t good at it. (I’m definitely no Emily Dickenson). However, you don’t need to be an Emily Dickenson to move someone with your words.

Robert Frost once said, “Poetry begins with a lump in the throat.” It’s what you feel and it’s your chance to release those thoughts on paper. It’s a great outlet, especially if you can’t find the words verbally.

City of Bones by Cassandra Clare

One thing I always liked about City of Bones is how it emphasized knowledge and how it changes you. In the end of the movie, Clary tells Jace that everything’s change. She can’t see the world as the same anymore. When Jace replied, my heart stopped. It was the most amazing answer ever. He said, “The world hasn’t changed, you have.” That is so true.

A lot of the time we learn things about ourselves and others that change the way we see something. When you find out your significant other cheated on you, your heart breaks. You lose trust and sometimes can’t even look at them. In that moment they didn’t change. You did. When we see someone help an old lady cross a street, or someone buy a homeless man food, the same thing can be said. We view it as, “There are still good people in the world.” However, images of kidnappings, murders, thieves, and hate hit us.

We can go from feeling hopeful for the human race to feeling like we shouldn’t exist. Again, the world didn’t change, you did. Those things will always be there. Lies, cheating, murder, hate, love, joy, peace, and war are a part of this world. People change, but the world never does. Our whole world revolves around us and the way we view things. Racism, sexism, stereotyping, etc. It won’t ever go anywhere, but we do. We grow, learn, teach, accept, and won’t tolerate. It’s a part of who we are.

Clary is a fifteen (almost sixteen) year old girl that lives her life normally. She goes to school, comes home, hangs out with her best friend, and loves her mother. There isn’t anything really exciting about her life. Except for the nights that she’s able to visit a club called Pandemonium. Clary loves this place for the clothes, people, and atmosphere. Of course, her best friend, Simon, can’t stand it. He’s more of a nerdy, awkward guy that only tags along because it’s what Clary wants to do.

Then she witnesses a murder there. The worse part is that no one else sees it. Not because no one else is there, but because no one else saw the three teenagers lead a guy into a backroom. They’re completely invisible! But why can Clary see them? Because she’s hiding a secret. The only bad part about it is that she doesn’t even know what the secret is. Now realizing that the stories she was told as a kid about monsters and heroes were real, consumes her. And the dark shadowhunter that caused a bloody battle is leading straight to her. Who is she really and why can’t she remember?

I was in high school when I read this series for the first time. I couldn’t stop flipping pages. The most frustrating part was that I could only read so fast. I fell in love with each character for a different reason and felt real empathy for everything they went through. That had never happened to me before. This series has definitely earned its title as my favorite book series.

I also like the Christian background that it has involving angels and demons. In this world, they are physical beings that have to be fought in a war. In real life, they aren’t physical beings. We have to fight our demons spiritually. I liked how Cassandra brought that aspect of our lives into a physical form.

My favorite characters are Alec and Magnus. It’s not because they fall in love and I think it’s cute. I like them because of how witty they are. Magnus is supposed to be this crazy powerful warlock (which he is) and he is a giant teddy bear. He’s sweet and kind. Being willing to help a shadowhunter isn’t something most “Downworlders” (werewolves, vampires, warlocks) are capable of. Alec is a sweet guy as well. He is kind (except when he realizes there’s something between Clary and Jace) and considerate. At first, he’s made out to be a total douche. I’m not saying that he wasn’t one, but he had his reasons. I don’t take him as being someone that likes change.

Alec has a secret of his own. It’s life changing and scary. HIs world doesn’t accept this kind of secret. I feel like we all have secrets and life changing things about us that we’re afraid to let out into the world. Plus, once it’s out you can’t ever go back.

Would I recommend this book series? If it wasn’t obvious already, yes. I totally would.

Image via fandomnews.wordpress.com

Medium Clue Scroll Addiction

Clue scrolls have been my new hobby on Runescape. Since I have my quest cape now I’ve been really board. Usually, when I didn’t know what to do, I’d look at my quest list and then figure it out. I’d want to complete a quest but to do that one, I needed to finish something else. However, I couldn’t do that one until I got these requirements. This gave me goals to carry out, and now I’m stuck.

So then I decided to complete the achievement guides, but the requirements are ridiculous and now I just don’t have the time. I decided to do Medium clue scrolls and I am loving them. It’s like completing quests all over again and I get some interesting rewards from them. I want to carry out four hundred because you get a scroll that you can wear and it looks like your character is following a map.

TAn accomplishment I want to make is acquiring the clue scroll outfit and pet. I haven’t been blessed with a ranger boot drop or anything of any worth, but I have gotten teleport tabs and pieces of armor that I didn’t have before which is really cool.

I’m going to continue these mini quests and hopefully, it’ll pay off pretty quick. For those who play the game, if you don’t already do clue scrolls, you should.

Fishing In Piscatoris

Jagex has added skill pets to Runescape and I figured it’s about time I have something cool that wasn’t the kitten from Gertrude’s Cat or the Hellcat from Recipe For Disaster (which is just a kitten/full-grown cat that turns into a hell cat after catching evil mice long enough). I also needed a higher fishing level for completing the achievement diaries and figured that the Heron (fishing pet) would be a great pet to go for.

Unfortunately, it’s taking forever! Okay, I haven’t been playing a lot. With so much on my plate, it’s usually difficult to find time to play. However, I’ve decided to finally crack down and get to work on it (especially since it doesn’t need a lot of my attention). I started at level 63 and now I am 8.6k monkfish in and level 76. Wish me luck!

Things You’ll Find When You Aren’t Looking

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One of my favorite things to do is go shopping. Whether it’s online, at the mall, or at Wal-Mart, I love it all. However, I especially love thrifting. For those who don’t know that term, “thrifting” is what people call shopping at thrift stores such as Goodwill or Waterfront Mission. Here in Pensacola, we have a couple of both of those thrift stores and I love them! Yesterday I went out with my mom to look around and all the neat stuff we found amazed us. The first item is a pink and black Juicy Couture backpack. Juicy has been one of my favorite brands ever since I fell in love with their Juicy Couture Couture perfume.

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But of course, we all know that Juicy Couture is a well-established name brand. Which is why finding one of their brand new (tags still on it) bags surprised me.

Then I found a pair of leopard print heels that I adored, but I didn’t buy. The reason is that I’d been to a consignment shop and bought a pair that looked exactly like them. But I did get black heels with pink platforms on the bottom. Very stylish. These are my leopard print ones.

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I was very excited to see a classy picnic basket there. I’ve always wanted one and now I have one so my boyfriend and I can go on the picnic day I’ve always dreamed of. I’ve never gone because I’ve saved it for someone special (And I’ve been looking for the perfect basket).

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I was very excited to find out that the brown leather jacket I’d been gawking over last time I was there was still there. I bought it this time!

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One of the coolest treasures, though, was this. It was something random that happened to catch my eye, but was so cool I had to get it. It’s perfect to hold the jewelry I usually wear so I don’t have to go searching for them every day.

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While we were at the second Goodwill, I bought a black jacket to go with my current Mary Kay status outfit as part of the black and white club. We also found red dress jackets and tried them on. We saw the future: red jacket Mary Kay consultants. It was very fun and super inspirational.

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Speaking of Mary Kay, we also found a classic black travel roll up bag and a handbag. Go figure!

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I had a lot of fun and I know my mom did, too. It was definitely a day that we needed. Every so often you just need to get away from the stress of school, work, home, and everyday life. But I admit that I can’t wait to go again. I had found some other things that were really fun and made me smile.

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Marked by P.C. Cast and Kristin Cast

marked (GR)
Taken from Goodreads.com

The first time I read this book (in high school) there were a lot of things that I’d missed because it was exciting to read. It brought a whole new kind of vampyre that I found incredible and I just wanted to read more and more. From mystical tattoos to special affinities, it was incredible and have me falling in and out of love with characters in every book.

Zoey Montgomery, a sixteen year old girl who lives in Tulsa, has hated her life ever since her mom married the “Step-loser.” She’s forced to live in a house where she is the “Bad kid” just because she doesn’t bow down to him and his God complex. He completely changed her mom into something she totally isn’t and expects Zoey to comply with everything he says, too. Then if that wasn’t bad enough, her boyfriend (heath) that she’s known her whole life is a football star that thinks drinking until the sun comes up and being dumb is cool and her best friend (Kayla) is a rude and sassy girl who secretly wants Heath but can’t make that obvious to her best friend. Then Zoey’s life completely changes when the mysterious hooded figure shows up and marks her.

Suddenly, she is now a vampyre fledgling expected to leave everything she knows behind and live in a vampyre school and create a new life for herself. No longer is she Zoey Montgomery, she’s Zoey Redbird. And as Zoey Redbird, she is to deal with boyfriend drama, make new friends, do homework, take town the most poplar and selfish girl in school all while trying to figure out why the vampyre goddess has marked her with full vampyre tattoos and pray that her body doesn’t reject the change. Not to mention learn who she can trust and who she can’t and find out why she is seeing the “Spirits” of the supposedly dead fledglings that rejected the change. Woe is Zoey!