Who Are They To You?

Recently, my attention turned to this topic. Many people in my life have told me about their own suffering from the mental and emotional abuse they’ve experienced. I know what that’s like because it’s no secret of what I’ve gone through in my life. Humans just want to be loved, appreciated, and felt cared for. When someone we don’t know hurts us, it’s disappointing. However, when someone we love hurts us we can shatter.

The problem is that they don’t always know they’re hurting us, and sometimes they won’t know for a while. Mainly because we’re so scared of hurting them we won’t tell them about the hurt that we’re suffering. These people will tell us how worthless we are and how we can’t do anything right. Sometimes they use those exact words, but other times they dance around them. Other times it’s a slower type of abuse that we don’t notice at first. Eventually, it takes our minds over and before we know it, we’re something that’s broken.

For some, we self-destruct. Believing those things causes us to continue to hurt ourselves and the ones around us because that’s “All we’re good for.” People never realize they’re so much better than that. I’ve had the unfortunate circumstance of heartbreak recently. Someone I loved so deeply hurt me and I’m still in the process forgiveness and trying to get through the day without crying.

I am glad to say that I didn’t self-destruct this time. I think it’s because I had finally found something to live for and someone to care about. Even though I was hurt, I’m incapable of being mad at the person. I won’t lie, it’s frustrating because I want to be. I know I should, but I can’t.

I’m putting two poems up tonight. I wrote them in the last couple of days. It’s the lessons that I’ve learned through my experiences, faith, and prayer that have gotten me through even my darkest moments. I’m not sure how many will read all of this. Maybe some will read the first few paragraphs and get bored, or others won’t read it at all. But I hope that the one I want to read it will.

Don’t you know you’re beautiful

If you feel you are worthless
because of the words of others,
remember that those words are older than you.
They’ve been traveling for some time now.
You are not their first stop,
and you aren’t their last.

Forgiveness and Forgetting

Forgiveness is not the act of
Forgetting what they did.
It’s not for them to feel better,
Nor is it an obligation.
Forgiveness is the act of letting go
Of the pain, they caused so that
You can move on and blossom into the
Butterfly you are.

And now I want you to think of every single person who has ever hurt you. What did they say? How did it make you feel? And now ask yourself, who are they to you?

Picture Via National Geographic Kids.

Remembrance

When I think about you I can’t breathe
I swear that for a moment,
just a moment,
the world freezes.
There’s nothing but me
In my red lipstick and long dress.
Then there’s you.
A Prince charming to my fairytale.
In my head, I can feel the touch of our hands
as they glide over each other’s skin.
I feel your lips on mine.
They’re on my cheek, my neck, my shoulders.
I still remember what it was like to touch your hair.
It blanketed my fingers like it was trying to keep them warm.
The memories are vague, so long ago.
It’s like trying to create a character for a book.
You’re real, but you aren’t.
I’m trying to know someone who I’ve never met.
It frightens me to try,
but scares me to forget.

Lauren M.

Image via Business Insider

The Heart Of Poetry

Poetry is a form of writing that most people don’t pay attention to. Even those who read the biggest books won’t pick up a small poem. It seems meaningless to them compared to the adventures of their novels. I’ve been that way for most of my life. Always reading and appreciating literature, but never reveling in the beauty of poetry.

“And when wind and winter harden / All the loveless land, / It will whisper of the garden, / You will understand.” – To My Wife, Oscar Wilde

I think the reason is school. Every year the English class curriculums require poetry. There are guides, big words, and a formula for creating the perfect poem. However, I’ve come to find out that poetry isn’t perfect and there isn’t this perfect formula for it. While personification, metaphors, and similes are great you don’t need them for a poem to be good.

Personally, I prefer personification. In my opinion, it’s always been easier to make an inanimate object come to life. “The smiling sun,” and, “Caressing towel,” are just two examples. Before yesterday, I hadn’t written poetry in a long time. In fact, the last time I remember writing a poem was with my sister one night. I don’t remember what I wrote about, but I used one of her prompts from her class.

“Words, words were truly alive on the tongue, in the head warm, beating, frantic, winged; music and blood but then I was young.” – “Little Red Cap” by Carol Ann Duffy

All I remember was that it needed to make me mad and uncomfortable. It was then I learned that poetry is uncomfortable. It’s not like writing a novel where you can be someone different from yourself. In poetry, you are yourself. You can’t hide behind a mask or pretend that it isn’t how you really feel. It is pure, raw emotion and intimacy. It’s passion and everything about your life that you love and hate.

Before that night, I hadn’t written since I was with one of my ex-boyfriends. I’d thought that I’d lost my ability to write poetry because he’d left me so empty. I also thought that I wasn’t good at it. (I’m definitely no Emily Dickenson). However, you don’t need to be an Emily Dickenson to move someone with your words.

Robert Frost once said, “Poetry begins with a lump in the throat.” It’s what you feel and it’s your chance to release those thoughts on paper. It’s a great outlet, especially if you can’t find the words verbally.

City of Bones by Cassandra Clare

One thing I always liked about City of Bones is how it emphasized knowledge and how it changes you. In the end of the movie, Clary tells Jace that everything’s change. She can’t see the world as the same anymore. When Jace replied, my heart stopped. It was the most amazing answer ever. He said, “The world hasn’t changed, you have.” That is so true.

A lot of the time we learn things about ourselves and others that change the way we see something. When you find out your significant other cheated on you, your heart breaks. You lose trust and sometimes can’t even look at them. In that moment they didn’t change. You did. When we see someone help an old lady cross a street, or someone buy a homeless man food, the same thing can be said. We view it as, “There are still good people in the world.” However, images of kidnappings, murders, thieves, and hate hit us.

We can go from feeling hopeful for the human race to feeling like we shouldn’t exist. Again, the world didn’t change, you did. Those things will always be there. Lies, cheating, murder, hate, love, joy, peace, and war are a part of this world. People change, but the world never does. Our whole world revolves around us and the way we view things. Racism, sexism, stereotyping, etc. It won’t ever go anywhere, but we do. We grow, learn, teach, accept, and won’t tolerate. It’s a part of who we are.

Clary is a fifteen (almost sixteen) year old girl that lives her life normally. She goes to school, comes home, hangs out with her best friend, and loves her mother. There isn’t anything really exciting about her life. Except for the nights that she’s able to visit a club called Pandemonium. Clary loves this place for the clothes, people, and atmosphere. Of course, her best friend, Simon, can’t stand it. He’s more of a nerdy, awkward guy that only tags along because it’s what Clary wants to do.

Then she witnesses a murder there. The worse part is that no one else sees it. Not because no one else is there, but because no one else saw the three teenagers lead a guy into a backroom. They’re completely invisible! But why can Clary see them? Because she’s hiding a secret. The only bad part about it is that she doesn’t even know what the secret is. Now realizing that the stories she was told as a kid about monsters and heroes were real, consumes her. And the dark shadowhunter that caused a bloody battle is leading straight to her. Who is she really and why can’t she remember?

I was in high school when I read this series for the first time. I couldn’t stop flipping pages. The most frustrating part was that I could only read so fast. I fell in love with each character for a different reason and felt real empathy for everything they went through. That had never happened to me before. This series has definitely earned its title as my favorite book series.

I also like the Christian background that it has involving angels and demons. In this world, they are physical beings that have to be fought in a war. In real life, they aren’t physical beings. We have to fight our demons spiritually. I liked how Cassandra brought that aspect of our lives into a physical form.

My favorite characters are Alec and Magnus. It’s not because they fall in love and I think it’s cute. I like them because of how witty they are. Magnus is supposed to be this crazy powerful warlock (which he is) and he is a giant teddy bear. He’s sweet and kind. Being willing to help a shadowhunter isn’t something most “Downworlders” (werewolves, vampires, warlocks) are capable of. Alec is a sweet guy as well. He is kind (except when he realizes there’s something between Clary and Jace) and considerate. At first, he’s made out to be a total douche. I’m not saying that he wasn’t one, but he had his reasons. I don’t take him as being someone that likes change.

Alec has a secret of his own. It’s life changing and scary. HIs world doesn’t accept this kind of secret. I feel like we all have secrets and life changing things about us that we’re afraid to let out into the world. Plus, once it’s out you can’t ever go back.

Would I recommend this book series? If it wasn’t obvious already, yes. I totally would.

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